


Sometimes Following Your Heart Means Losing Your Mind

by cophinelovin



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Canon, Dreams, F/F, Longing, Sci-Fi, Science, cophine - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-15 19:22:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8069665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cophinelovin/pseuds/cophinelovin
Summary: It’s been two years since Cosima saw Delphine in the yurt. After that, she disappeared. Cosima is convinced Delphine was there with her but no one can confirm. She’s been having dreams about her that feel all too real. What really happened to Delphine?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I had in my head that I wanted to explore. Takes place two years after the Season 4 finale. Something a little different from my usual AU writing. As always, feedback is appreciated!

_“Cosima…”_

_She’s walking through a hallway. It’s dark. What is this place? DYAD? She’s not sure. She can see a fluorescent light flickering in the distance. She walks toward it._

_“Cosima…”_

_She turns her head. Where is that coming from? The voice sounds familiar. She continues to step toward the light. Her heart is pounding as she brushes her hand along the wall to find her way. She can’t see behind her or to the sides. There is only the flickering light up ahead. The room at the end of the hall._

_“Cosima…”_

_It’s cold. She finds suddenly that she is freezing. What is this place? The voice is only a faint whisper. She can barely make it out, but it sounds so familiar. It’s the only sound; everything else is silent. She can only hear her own breath, panting, the sound of her heart pumping in her chest. If only she could make it to the room. Her body feels heavy. She feels like she’s walking through molasses. Every step she takes is a struggle. The flickering light seems to get farther and farther away the faster she tries to go. What is in that room?_

Cosima awakens in a panic. Her head is pounding. It’s happened again. The same dream. 

She slams her hand to her forehead as she bolts upright, feeling with her other hand to find her glasses. Slipping them on, she slowly gets out of bed to grab an aspirin. 

This is not the first time she’s felt like this. This dream is haunting her. Always the same, always unable to move forward. However, this was the first time she heard that voice. That familiar voice...

Delphine.

It clicks into place. The voice. It was Delphine’s voice. The woman she hasn’t seen in two years. Well, she doesn’t even know anymore if any of it was real, if she had really seen her that night. They told her she was too sick, that she was hallucinating. It had felt so real. Cosima was not convinced that it wasn’t real. But she didn’t know what to believe anymore. 

For all she knew, Delphine was dead. She had died that night in the DYAD parking lot. That’s what she was told. That the love of her life was dead. That was the story everyone had been sticking to. Cosima had sworn she was there that night at the camp. As it got farther and farther away, she began to doubt. No one could confirm her story. 

Cosima felt it though. There was a presence she had sensed that night, and she still felt it. She felt like Delphine was still with her. She felt she had been with her when they gave her the cure, every day that she got stronger and better. She had been with her when she was finally well, cured completely, and her sisters had been able to get the cure as well. She was there when Cosima decided that she needed to continue with her life, that she needed to complete her degree and go back to Minnesota. 

It was then that the dreams started. Cosima could barely call them dreams. They were _so_ real. 

Cosima walks into the kitchen, putting the coffee on, the monotonous routine barely conscious in her mind. She is always lost in her thoughts these days. The dreams, the memories. Her mind feels choppy, like it can’t process it all. It keeps replaying all that has happened, like it’s looking for something different every time, something that could explain the _why_. _Why_ it all happened. _Why_ Delphine was gone. 

She can still remember that night clearly, Delphine’s touch as she had climbed into bed with her, her hand stroking her face, warming her, loving her. They had spoken to one another, she could’ve sworn it, but when she had woken up in the morning, everyone told her it hadn’t happened.

_“Where is she?”_

_“Where is who?” the man says._

_“Delphine.”_

_“Delphine? I’m sorry, I don’t know anyone by that name.”_

_“Delphine Cormier. Dr. Delphine Cormier. She was here last night with me,” Cosima replies, frantically._

_“I’m sorry. There is no one here by that name. I took care of you last night. You were very sick. Hypothermic,” he responds, in a flat tone, his eyes not meeting Cosima’s._

_Cosima starts to get up out of bed, feeling tears beginning to fill her eyes. “No,” she starts, getting louder as she continues, “No, no, no, that can’t be right. She was here. I saw her. I felt her. Please.”_

_The man comes over, pushing her back down. “You mustn’t get up. You are still very sick.”_

_“No,” she yells now, panicked. “Where is she?” Tears are streaming down her face. “She was here,” she shouts, pulling herself up._

_The man calls out for help and two more men run into the room, pushing Cosima back down to the bed and securing her there while she screams and cries out for Delphine._

Cosima sips her coffee, staring blankly out the window. She is empty inside. She has been since that night. 

She can’t let it go, even though her sisters have told her that she needs to, that Delphine is gone. She’s on her own. She’s the only one who still believes that maybe she is still out there somewhere. As long as she has hope, she has the will to carry on.

Once the dreams and memories started, they were all she could think about. Her brain had gone into overdrive all of a sudden. It was like it was pushing all the memories of Delphine to the front of her mind so that she wouldn’t forget, she wouldn’t give up. It was strange how it had happened. One day, she was flooded with the intense emotional memories that she and Delphine had shared. At first, she resisted, thinking it was too hard. She didn’t want to remember everything. It was too painful. After a while though, she stopped resisting. The memories were too persistent. 

They would come at random times in the day, sometimes willingly, sometimes not. Memories of dinners they shared, memories of days at work, almost always happy memories.

And the dreams. It was almost always the same. The hallway. The flickering light. At first it was just that, with no noise. But then she started hearing a voice, the faintest sound of someone calling her name. And now, she realized who it was.

This can not be a coincidence, Cosima thinks as she stands in the kitchen. The dreams, the memories, they are connected somehow. She knows it. She can _feel_ it. She just doesn’t know what it all means. But she is determined to find out.

\-----


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Another chapter today. I'll be posting twice a week - mostly Wednesdays and Saturdays. Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think!

“How’s it going Cos?” Cosima hears her sister ask on the other end of the phone.

“It’s fine, Sarah,” Cosima replies. She’s been in Minnesota for a month now. A month of school, a month of her mind unfocused, only able to concentrate on the memories bouncing around in her head. She hasn’t told her sisters about them. They had all been very supportive of her going back to school, said she needed to move on, focus on herself and her career. She didn’t know how to tell them about what was going on inside her mind and she was still unable to.

“Yeah? You liking it back at school?” Sarah inquires.

“I’m dealing. It’s a little weird being back here, but I suppose it’s good for me,” Cosima sighs.

“Yeah, it is,” Sarah agrees. “Look, I’m gonna come visit you in a few weeks, alright? Make sure you’re ok over there.”

“Ok,” Cosima replies. She’ll be happy to have the company, and maybe if she has Sarah alone, she can confess what’s been going on with her.

“Good. You call me if you need anything, Cos,” Sarah says, “Talk soon.”

“I will.”

Cosima hangs up the phone and gets up to take a shower. As she lets the warm water run over her body, her mind wanders to Delphine. She closes her eyes, pretending she’s there. She knows it’s unhealthy to think like this and it will only make her more upset, but she can’t help herself. 

She feels her step into the tub behind her, her arms snaking around her naked stomach, her front pressed into her back. She feels the warmth envelop her, the same warmth she felt that night. She feels light kisses laid on the back of her neck, soft whispers in her ear, blonde curls draping over her shoulder. She imagines the feeling of safety she would feel in Delphine’s arms, lets the world melt away for a moment, envisioning her hand is Delphine’s hand, bringing it up to her mouth to give it a gentle kiss.

She feels her own tears streaming down her face, unsure when she started crying. The tears mix with the water and she opens her eyes, fiercely aware of how alone she is. She allows herself to sob for a moment before collecting herself and stepping out of the tub. She wraps herself in a towel and goes to sit on the couch, not having the energy or will to get dressed.

The moment she sits down, she is flooded with an intense memory as pain shoots through her head.

_“You want red or white?”_

_Cosima looks over at Delphine, who is pulling two bottles of wine out of her bag. She looks beautiful as she sits on the blanket, her hair glowing in the sun._

_“You brought both?” Cosima asks, smiling._

_“I wanted you to have whatever you want,” Delphine beams._

_“I already have everything I want,” Cosima says as she takes Delphine’s hand._

_Delphine gives her a look and Cosima starts laughing. “Sorry, I’m super cheesy.”_

_“It’s ok. I like it,” Delphine replies._

_“Red,” Cosima answers, rubbing Delphine’s arm lovingly._

_Delphine pours and they lay on their sides, facing each other, sipping the wine, enjoying each other’s company._

_“It’s nice to have a day off for once,” Delphine admits._

_“Yeah, we don’t get many of those. I feel bad actually. I should be in the lab,” Cosima answers._

_Delphine reaches her hand out to touch Cosima’s cheek. “You deserve a moment of relaxation, ma chérie.”_

_Cosima grins. They finish their wine and Cosima nuzzles into Delphine’s chest as they lie back on the blanket. Delphine closes her eyes and allows herself to fall into a comfortable state of slumber for a few minutes. Cosima closes her eyes, half-awake, but relaxed._

_“Cosima...”_

_Cosima jolts up, thinking Delphine has said her name. This is not how the memory goes. Delphine is asleep._

_She looks at the blonde, whose eyes are still closed, her chest rising and falling gently._

_“Cosima...”_

_This time, she is looking right at Delphine. The voice didn’t come from her. Something is off here. This memory is off._

_Cosima looks around. There is no one else. The park is quiet. This is how it was, how she remembered it. They laid there until Cosima woke Delphine up and they went back to Cosima’s apartment. But this time...no...this is odd._

_“Cosima...”_

_She hears it again, a faint whisper._

_“Hello?” she answers._

_Delphine doesn’t stir. It’s almost like she can’t hear her._

_Then there is silence. She doesn’t hear it anymore. The voice is gone._

Cosima’s eyes flutter open. She is lying on the couch. When had she fallen asleep? Was that a dream? A memory? The voice was familiar again, the same one from her dream last night. Delphine? She never heard the voice in her memories before, only in her dreams. Were they one and the same? What is going on inside her mind?

She feels groggy now, her thoughts strangely sloppy and unfocused. It’s like someone is jumbling all her memories inside her brain and letting them spill into one another. Her head is pounding yet again. She gets up to take more aspirin.

\-----


	3. Chapter 3

Thank goodness for Scott. Cosima has never been so happy to have someone with her. Scott had followed her back to school like a lost puppy, and she couldn’t be more grateful. As she gets into the lab that morning, she spots him already diligently working on one of his many projects. He looks up as she walks in.

“Hey!” he exclaims, with the goofy grin he always has on his face. “Good morning. I got you coffee. It’s over there.”

Cosima smiles. “Scotty, you are the best. You know that?”

Scott blushes. “Uh huh…”

Cosima sits down at the table across from Scott, burying her head in her hands for a moment as she feels the pounding in her head again.

“You ok?” Scott asks.

“Uh, yeah, yeah,” Cosima answers, “Just a headache.”

“You seem to be having a lot of those lately,” he replies.

Cosima closes her eyes for a moment and her head pulses quickly, slamming her into another memory.

_Delphine is wearing shorts and a tank top, standing in front of the stove. She turns around as she hears Cosima come out of the bedroom._

_“Eggs?”_

_Cosima nods, still sleepy. She walks over to pour herself some coffee._

_Cosima is standing at the bedroom door, looking at Delphine standing in front of the stove. She turns._

_“Eggs?”_

_Cosima looks down. She is holding her coffee already. She nods._

_Cosima is standing, watching Delphine._

_“Eggs?”_

_“What...Delphine?” Cosima is sitting at the counter, eggs in front of her._

_Cosima is standing. Delphine is at the stove. She does not turn around._

_“Cosima...”_

_Cosima tries to respond but can’t open her mouth._

_“Cosima...”_

_Delphine turns. “Eggs?”_

_“Delphine? What is going—”_

“Cosima!” she feels someone yelling, shaking her. Her head is on her hands on the table in front of her. She opens her eyes to see a worried, bespectacled face in front of her.

“Cosima, are you ok?” Scott inquires, a panicked look in his eyes.

“What? What happened?” Cosima asks, confused.

“I don’t know. One minute we were talking about your headache and then all of a sudden, your head was down on the table and you were out,” he replies, “I tried to wake you a few times. I thought you passed out. What’s going on with you?”

“I...I don’t know,” Cosima fumbles, “Scott, I think something weird is going on.”

“Weird? Like how?”

“Like, ok, I’m going to tell you something and it’s going to sound crazy, but I need you to hear me out,” Cosima pleads.

“Cosima, I don’t think anything really is too crazy to be true anymore,” Scott notes, “After all the super secret clone shit and everything.”

Cosima takes a deep breath. “Ok,” she starts, “So you know how I thought I saw Delphine that night at the camp when I was very sick?”

Scott nods, taking a seat next to her. 

“Well, ever since then, I haven’t lost hope that it was true. That it was _real_. And I know everyone thinks I’m crazy. But I never stopped thinking about it. And now...now something really strange is going on and I don’t know how to describe it, but I think it’s connected to her...to Delphine.”

Scott puts his hand on Cosima’s shoulder. “Cosima,” he answers, “We’ve talked about this. You know she died at DYAD.”

“I don’t know that,” she replies firmly, “Scott, if anyone will believe me, it will be you. Please, give me a chance. Let me tell you what’s been going on.”

Scott inhales deeply and nods. “Ok. I just don’t want you to keep harping on this...on her. It’s unhealthy.”

Cosima closes her eyes for a moment, holding back her tears. “I’m not harping on anything. This is real. I can feel it.”

“Ok, tell me what’s going on,” he gives in.

Cosima looks at him intently. “Ok, so about a month ago, I started having these dreams. I’m in some sort of building. It’s dark, there’s a flickering light at the end of the hallway, but I can never seem to get there. At first I thought it was some weird stress dream, being back at school and all, but it keeps coming back and then, recently, something really strange started happening.”

“I’m in the hallway, and it’s always been silent, but recently, I've been hearing whispers. Someone is whispering my name. I didn’t know who it was at first, but now I know...it’s her...it’s Delphine.”

“Cosima, it’s just a dream. Your mind is playing tricks on you,” Scott tells her.

“No, Scott,” she states, “I’m telling you. I can feel this differently than I’ve felt any dream before. And then, it gets weirder. I’ve been having these intense memories, like really really intense, like my brain is all of a sudden pushing memories forward and forcing me into this weird sleep state to replay them in my mind. But they’re different. They’re memories, but they change sometimes, like they’re not the way I remember them exactly.”

“Your mind changes things all the time, Cosima,” Scott reasons.

“I know, but here’s the strangest part. I’ve started to hear that same whisper in these memories. It’s so faint, but I know it’s her voice...I just know it. And I can’t help but think it means something,” Cosima pauses, swallowing. “Scott, what if she’s out there? What if I stopped looking for her and she needs me? I would never forgive myself.”

Scott looks at her, seeing the pain in her eyes. “Cosima,” he begins, taking a deep breath. “You think she’s somehow trying to communicate with you telepathically? Now, I never thought I’d say this to you, but you do sound a little crazy.”

“Scott!,” she yells, “Please, I know it sounds crazy, but I feel something. It’s deep. I can’t explain it fully, but I can’t just ignore it. Don’t you see? I practically just passed out there! That’s not normal! Something is going on.”

“Ok, ok,” Scott tries to soothe, “Let’s say for a second that I do believe you. What do we do now?”

“I don’t know!” Cosima shouts, before calming herself down. “Ok, look, that’s what we have to figure out. Can you humor me just for a little while? Please? I need your help. Can we put our minds together and see what comes of it? If I’m totally wrong, then I’ll have to live with that, but I can’t not try.”

Scott nods. “Ok, ok, I’ll do it for you because you’re my best friend.”

“Thank you, Scotty,” Cosima smiles, getting up to give him a hug. “Best friend? I’m your only friend, duh.”

“You’re a jerk,” he replies.

“But you love me,” she smirks.

Scott gives a half grin and a chuckle. “Ok,” he says, “So, when do these memories happen? Is there something that triggers them?”

Cosima shakes her head. “I don’t think so. It’s like they’re coming from an external force, like someone is making it happen. I do tend to get headaches right before though.”

“Well, maybe we should run a brain scan the next time you go through one of these episodes. We can take a look at what’s happening,” Scott suggests.

“But how are we going to know when I’m going to have a memory again?” Cosima asks, “Just sit near the MRI machine until I get a massive headache?”

“Well, yeah,” Scott replies. 

“That sounds like fun,” Cosima responds, sarcastically.

“Well, it seems to be the only way,” Scott answers, “I can sneak us in after hours.”

“Can’t wait.”

\-----

The day moves slowly, knowing that they both have to stay late to try to figure this out. Cosima doesn’t have any more headaches, which lasts into the night, as they sit and wait. They finally go home, resolving to try again tomorrow.

The next few days they try to no avail. It’s not until Friday evening, when they are sitting outside the room, eating takeout, that Cosima’s head starts pounding. 

“Shit, Scott, it’s happening,” Cosima states.

Scott jumps up. “Let’s go.”

He gets Cosima into the machine before her head feels like it’s going to split open. She blacks out, the memory coming fast.

_Cosima is in her hospital bed. She feels the cannula in her nose and looks up to see Delphine. She is crying. Cosima looks at her, concerned._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“I've made a terrible mistake,” Delphine answers, starting to sob._

_“What have you done?” Cosima asks, terrified._

_Delphine cries._

_“Cosima...”_

_“What?” She looks around, realizing the voice didn’t come from Delphine._

_“I've made a terrible mistake,” Delphine tells her._

_“You...you already—”_

_Delphine is starting to cry._

_“Cosima...”_

_Cosima sits up, looking, searching. Delphine is not paying her any attention, like she doesn’t see her._

_“What’s going on? Delphine? Is that you?” Cosima asks, frantically._

_She feels herself moving. What’s happening?_

She’s moving. She realizes she’s being moved out of the machine. 

“No, wait, Scott, wait,” she yells, “I was trying to talk to her. She was there, Scott, I heard her, please.” Tears come to her eyes.

Scott rushes over. “That’s not how it works, Cosima. I can’t put you back.”

Cosima looks at him. “Please tell me you saw something.”

Scott stares at her intensely. “Holy shit, did I see something. You’ve gotta see this.”

\-----


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello - thanks for the great response to this story. Hope you enjoy the next chapter.

“Ok, so it started out fairly normal, all the levels of brain activity that you would expect to see,” Scott explains, showing Cosima the scan. “But then, and here’s the crazy part, the levels not only go off the charts, but the images changed. They looked like they were functioning differently. Like something is affecting your brain externally. The activity of neurons in your hippocampus was incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Shit, Scott,” Cosima gapes, “I was right. Something is going on. Something else.”

Scott looks at her. “Yes, you were. I don’t know what’s going on, but we’re going to figure this out. It’s like your brain is mixing up the memories, and something, or someone is trying to rewrite them.”

“You believe me now?” Cosima asks.

“Well, I believe that something weird is going on. I’m not sure if I believe that Delphine is trying to communicate with you. Seems a little science-fictiony for me. But I’ll go with it for now, until we can prove something,” he answers.

“Scott, I think I need to focus my energy more on trying to communicate,” Cosima admits, “I think she’s trying to tell me something, but so far I can’t get through to her.”

“So what are you going to do? Meditate? Hypnosis?” he suggests.

“I don't know,” Cosima answers, “I think I just need to be ready next time. Fight through the memory to get to the real reason these memories are being pushed forward in the first place. I need to reach out to her before she reaches out to me. Let her know that I’m there.”

“And how are you going to do that?” Scott asks.

“I don’t know yet. But I have to try.” Cosima picks up her stuff and goes to head out the door. “Scotty, thank you. Seriously, thank you. Have a good weekend. See you Monday,” She gives him a hug as he chuckles, before leaving for home.

\-----

_It’s dark. The light flickers in the distance. Cosima trudges closer to it, though as she gets closer, it seems farther away. It’s cold._

_“Cosima…”_

_She tries to answer but no sound comes out. She needs to get to that room. She knows that’s what needs to happen, but it’s so difficult. Something is holding her back. Why can’t she move forward? Her legs are like lead._

_“Cosima…”_

_She wants to scream. She wants to yell in frustration. But she can’t make a sound._

Cosima wakes up in a cold sweat. It’s happened again. She is no closer to getting any answers from her dream. 

She gets up, popping an aspirin for her now pounding head. She sits down on the couch to think. 

Maybe she needs to focus on the memories. She’s had more luck speaking in those, breaking out of the cycle. Maybe her dream state is too much, her body can’t break through that just yet.

She lays down on the couch, her hand coming up to cover her forehead. Staring at the ceiling, she thinks for a moment that she might be insane. What if this is crazy? What if she is chasing something that isn't even real? What if Delphine really is dead and these memories are just her brain fucking with her instead of dealing with her grief?

She feels a tear roll down her cheek as she snaps herself out of it. No, she tells herself, she feels it. She can’t explain it, but she feels Delphine's presence. She knows it has to mean something. That night at the camp had felt too real. She was _there_. She was there. Cosima knows it, despite what everyone told her.

She can still feel her warmth on her skin. Her mind couldn’t have made that up. It’s not possible. The hand on her face, the hair tickling her neck. The soothing voice telling her that she was right there. She remembers it all in vivid detail. She remembers the way it smelled, the glow of the light on Delphine’s face. 

It was real.

Just then, she feels a shooting pain in her head and winces, her eyes closing.

_She is lying in Delphine’s lap. Her head feels light, a little woozy._

_“I have something important to tell you,” Delphine says._

_Cosima recognizes this memory. She is aware now. She tries to break free of it._

_“Del...Delphine,” she croaks._

_“Je t’aime,” Delphine states, ignoring her._

_She tries again. “Delphine, are you there? Please?”_

_“Cosima…”_

_“Yes! Yes, I’m here....Delphine, please say something,” Cosima shouts, enthusiastically._

_“Cosima…”_

_“Please, tell me where you are. What’s going on? Are you ok? Are you here?”_

_“Cosima…”_

Cosima jolts awake. “Fuck!” she screams before the pain in her head makes her black out.

\-----

Cosima feels her phone buzzing on her chest. Her eyes flutter open, foggy and glazed over. She looks through blurry vision to see who’s calling. She can’t tell so she answers.

“Hello?” she chokes, her voice sounding hoarse.

“Cosima? You sound like shit.”

“Oh,” Cosima answers as she realizes who it is, “Thanks, Felix.”

“What the hell is up with you? I haven’t spoken to you since you left for the fantastic state of Minnesota,” he replies. “How is it in that freezing hellhole?”

“Uhh, it’s ok,” Cosima responds, shoving her glasses onto her face and trying to get her bearings.

“Well, Allison and I are have a girls day and we wanted to say hello.”

“Hi, Cosima,” she hears Allison say in the background. “You don’t sound well. Are you sick? Perhaps you need a nice cup of tea with honey? Always a good remedy for a sore throat.”

“Uh, no, Allison, thanks, I’m fine, just, uh, woke up from a nap,” Cosima stumbles.

“Well, ok, whatever you say.” The chipper sound of her voice is making Cosima’s head pound again. 

“Hey, thanks for checking in. I need to run though. I’ll talk to you both soon, ok?” Cosima states, needing to get up to get some water and another aspirin.

“Alright,” Felix says, “But don’t be a stranger. I’m starting to think you’re too good for us now, off getting your doctorate. And I need the dish about any cute ladies you’re seeing.”

Cosima scoffs. “I gotta go.” She hangs up the phone. When did she begin to feel so far away from her family? Maybe it was when none of them believed her. Not one. 

She knows she might need them eventually, but she is afraid of what they will say if they knew what she was trying to do. At least she has Scott. Good old Scott. He has never failed to be there for her.

She hears a knock at the door. Who is that? It’s not like she has any friends here except Scott.

She saunters to the door, still groggy from passing out earlier. When she opens the door, she gasps. Standing in her doorway is the last possible person she would ever expect to see.

“Hey,” Shay says, “Surprise?”

\-----


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I know, you're probably like, why is Shay here? And honestly, I kind of hated Shay for a long time, but after reading some fics where it painted her in a different light, she kind of grew on me, so I wanted to incorporate her a little bit into this fic. While I'm totally all for Cophine obvs, I still think Shay deserves a little love (just a tiny little bit) so this is my way of mending things in a small way between Cosima and Shay.
> 
> As always, comments are appreciated. Thank you for reading!

Cosima has problems forming words at that moment. Her mind is so confused and so tired from the last few weeks. “Wh...what? Shay? What are you doing here?”

“Look, I know this is weird, but your friend Scott called me,” she answers, “He said you were in need of some help...like with freeing your mind and such...so he called me. I have a practice about an hour from here now. I moved here for my girlfriend.”

“Scott called _you_?” Cosima asks, in awe. She isn’t quite processing why he would call her.

“Yeah, he sounded pretty desperate. Said he was really worried about you and that you could use some relaxation techniques...for your head. He said you were having headaches,” Shay tells her.

“That’s all he said to you?” Cosima inquires, wondering how much she really knows.

“Well,” Shay pauses, “He also told me you may have some things to discuss with me, but only if you want to. If you want me to help you with your headaches, I can do just that. If you want me to help you with something more, I can also do that.”

Cosima closes her eyes for a moment. “Ok, I just want to point out how fucking weird this is. I mean, we haven’t spoken in over two years, and then here you are, on my doorstep.”

Shay reaches out to touch Cosima’s arm. “I know. But I want you to know that I’ve always cared about you. And now, I’m here to help you. Do you want it or not? It’s completely up to you.”

Cosima takes a deep breath. She is desperate for answers, desperate to make contact with Delphine, if it even is Delphine. Things were complicated between her and Shay all those years back and Shay was treated poorly. She hadn’t deserved that. “Ok, there are some things I think you need to hear. Come in.”

\-----

“Ok, so let me get this straight,” Shay states, “Clones. A disease that only affects clones. A cure for that disease. Delphine disappearing only to come back to you for one night, but no one believes that she was really there except you. And now she is trying to contact you through your memories?”

Cosima nods. “I know...it sounds totally crazy.”

“No,” Shay says immediately, “I believe you.”

“What? Really?” Cosima responds in awe. 

“Yes. I mean, you said you feel it. I can understand that feeling. When love is that powerful, it can do some incredible things,” Shay explains. “I know what we need to do.”

“You do?”

Shay nods. “We need to free your mind of all other thoughts. You need to focus your memory on something specific so next time she tries to contact you, the memory is already there, present in your mind, and she can glide into it, instead of trying to push a memory from deep down in your brain. That way, your focus can be on trying to communicate with each other.”

“Now that does sound crazy. How do you know that will work?” Cosima asks.

“I don’t,” Shay states flatly. “But we need to try, right?” She smiles at Cosima. 

“But I can’t just make this happen whenever I want. I don’t have control over it. I get these headaches and then the memory hits me, makes me go to sleep, or something like that,” Cosima explains.

“Right. You can’t control it now. But maybe you will be able to,” Shay replies, “We have to try something.”

Cosima nods, nervous that she won’t be able to do this. It sounds too far fetched.

“Come, lay down on the floor,” Shay instructs.

Cosima does as she’s told. She’s too tired to talk about it anymore and she needs to focus all her energy on the task at hand. Shay sits on her knees beside her and places her hand on her chest. 

“Ok,” she begins, “I want you to close your eyes. You’re going to breathe deeply, in through your nose and out through your mouth. I don’t want your chest to rise as you breath. Fill your stomach instead, and focus only on the rising and falling of your stomach.”

Cosima closes her eyes, breathing deeply. She feels the warmth of Shay’s hand on her chest and focuses her energy on the breaths in and out.

“Good,” Shay whispers, “Clear your mind. All you need to think about is the air filling your body and escaping. Feel the calm. Let it surround you. Let it soothe you.”

Cosima begins to get sleepy as the muscles in her body relax.

“Cosima,” Shay says, “Can you hear me?”

She nods slightly.

“Good. Now, I want you to think of a memory, one memory of you and Delphine. Focus only on that memory. Don’t let anything else in. Play it over in your mind, over and over until it blocks everything else out.”

Cosima is so sleepy. She uses her last ounce of strength to bring a memory forward. It’s the strongest and most recent memory she has of Delphine. She plays it back, holding onto every piece of it.

_“Keep breathing, keep breathing,” Delphine tells her, placing the blanket over her._

_Cosima is shivering. She can barely focus, barely see, but she knows Delphine is there. Beyond her senses, she can feel her presence._

_“I’m right here,” Cosima hears, “I’m going to keep you warm.”_

_Her skin is there all of a sudden, warming Cosima, touching her, Delphine’s hand on her face, her hair tickling her neck._

_“Keep breathing, keep breathing,” Delphine whispers._

_Cold. So tired. Slipping, slipping._

_“I’m right here. I’m going to keep you warm.”_

_Warmth. Cozy. Home._

_“Cosima…”_

_Cosima feels a renewed energy coursing through her. This isn’t from the memory. This is something different._

_“Delphine, I’m here. I’ve come for you.”_

_She looks at Delphine in front of her who is still stroking her face, warming her, oblivious of the whispers she hears._

_“Cosima…”_

_She reaches out, grabbing Delphine’s face this time. “Delphine, look at me. I’m here.”_

_Delphine looks at her. “Cosima?”_

_That is not part of the memory. That never happened._

_“Delphine! It’s me, yes, it’s me!” she yells._

_Delphine looks at her with fear in her eyes. “Cosima…help me...”_

_Everything goes black._

\-----


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A pretty short one today.

“Shhh, it’s ok, it’s ok,” Cosima hears as she wakes up screaming. She opens her eyes to find Shay above her, holding her down with both hands. “Calm down, calm...calm…”

Cosima looks at her with wide, teary eyes. “I...I have to get to her. She...she needs me,” she chokes.

“Whoa, what happened? Tell me,” Shay asks.

“She...she was there. I think I made contact. She looked so scared, oh my god, she needs my help...I have to find her,” Cosima cries.

“Ok, ok, we’re going to find her,” Shay responds.

“I have to go back now!” Cosima yells.

Shay shakes her head. “You need to rest right now. We can try again later.”

“She needs me,” Cosima shouts through her tears.

“I know,” Shay answers, “but you’re too tired. It’s too much. You need to relax again and your mind is too busy now. Look at me and tell me your mind is not racing right now.”

Shay is right. Cosima’s mind is going a mile a minute. She nods her head, closing her eyes for a moment to stop the tears.

“Shay,” Cosima says, “Thank you. I think I know what I need to do now.” She opens her eyes, taking a deep breath. “I think I should rest so I can focus again later. Seriously, thank you.”

“Of course,” Shay answers, “Cosima, it’s really good to see you after all this time. I know things were complicated back then, and I don’t blame you for any of it.”

“Thank you for saying that, and I’m so sorry how everything happened. I never should’ve put myself out there when I was still hurting so much,” Cosima admits.

“It’s ok. We all make mistakes. Especially in love,” Shay smiles. “Hey, if you need me again, please don’t hesitate. I can help you through this if you need.”

“Thank you,” Cosima answers, “I will let you know if I need you, but I think this is something I need to do on my own, for myself, and for Delphine. I just need to focus all my energy on it.”

Shay nods, pulling Cosima in for a hug before she heads out the door. In the hallway, she turns one last time. “Hey, I really hope you find her. You two are definitely soulmates. I’ve known it all along, and I hope you have too.”

“Thank you for believing me, Shay,” Cosima calls after her before closing the door. 

She is so tired she can barely make it back to the couch before passing out.

\-----

“I’m going to kill you, Scott,” Cosima states as she walks into the lab on Monday.

“Ok, I know, I should’ve told you, but I knew you would never agree,” Scott replies, “I figured if she just showed up, you wouldn’t be able to deny that you needed her. Did she help you?”

Cosima sighs. “Actually she did. I still don’t forgive you though.”

“Cosima, I thought you would try anything. And that includes getting Shay to help.”

“I know. You’re right,” Cosima replies as she takes a deep breath. “I think I made a breakthrough the other day. I got through to her, Scott. It was only a brief moment, but I saw it. I felt it.”

Scott raises his eyebrows. “Really? You spoke to her?”

“Yes, she broke out of the memory. She looked at me, recognized me. She said she needed help,” Cosima explains.

“Wow,” Scott replies, “How do you know it wasn’t just your brain messing with the memory again?”

“Because every other time, my brain was just mixing up the memories. Replaying them or mixing up the order of things. But this was different...what she said...it wasn’t part of the memory. It was something else. It was...her...communicating with me.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes,” Cosima states, absolutely sure.

“So what happened after that? Did you get any other information from her?” Scott asks.

Cosima shakes her head. “No, I blacked out. I’ve been trying all weekend to get back, but I haven’t had any luck. But I have to keep trying. I have to.”

“And you will. Cosima, you will,” Scott soothes, “You’re the strongest person I know. Very stubborn, but very strong. You’ll do it. You’ll break through to her.”

“Does this mean you believe me?”

Scott sighs. “Yeah, I guess I’ve believed you all along. I mean, this sci-fi shit is awesome. I kind of wanted it to be real,” he giggles.

“You’re such a nerd,” Cosima teases. 

“Duh…” 

“Thank you, Scotty,” Cosima says as she messes his hair up with her hand, before pulling him in for a hug. “Seriously, thank you.”

She is so grateful to have a friend who believes her, who believes in her. 

As she turns to walk toward her lab table, she feels the familiar throb in her head and she hits the floor before she can even think.  
 _  
“Keep breathing, keep breathing.”_

_Cold._

_“I’m right here. I’m going to keep you warm.”_

_Warm._

_“Delphine, look at me,” Cosima says, frantically._

_Fingers. Hair._

_“Delphine,” Cosima tries again._

_“Cosima…”_

_“Yes, Delphine, it’s me.”_

_“Cosima?” Delphine looks at her._

_“Oh my god, yes, Delphine. Please, tell me where you are,” Cosima begs._

_“Cosima...I need...please...help…”_

_“Where are you?”_

_“Help…”_

_“I want to. I want to help you. Please, tell me something I can use,” Cosima yells._

_“Rachel...Rachel...” Delphine stutters._

_“Rachel?” Cosima shouts, trying to grab at her body but unable to get a good grasp._

_“Eye...Rachel’s...eye...Rachel’s...eye…”_

_“What? Delphine!”_

_A jolt of pressure shoots through her mind and the scene goes dark._

\-----


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone still reading this? :P

“Help me get her up,” Scott says.

Cosima feels herself being hoisted up as her eyes flutter open. She sees Scott next to her and another guy that she recognizes from one of her classes. 

“Scott, shit, I’m ok, I’m ok,” Cosima insists, sitting down at the table.

“Thanks Joe,” Scott says to the other guy, “I think we’re ok. I’ve got it from here.”

Scott turns to Cosima. “What the hell happened there? That was scary. You fell and almost cracked your head open on the table.”

“Scott,” Cosima starts, “I talked to her again. But I don’t know what she was trying to tell me. She mentioned Rachel.”

“Rachel? I thought she was in jail,” Scott asks, confused.

“She is.”

“DId she say anything else?” Scott inquires.

“She just kept saying Rachel’s eye over and over.”

“That is strange,” Scott begins to think. “Why would she say that?” he ponders. 

“I don’t know. What does that have to do with anything?” she asks.

“Well, don’t you remember, after Rachel was taken in, we learned all about her eye that the Neolutionists gave her...you know...after we took her eye out… She could see things in other places through that eye,” Scott explains.

“So, what does that mean? The Neolutionists have her?” Cosima wonders.

“Shit, Cosima,” Scott realizes something, “Not only that, but maybe she’s trying to tell you something about what is happening to her, how she’s communicating with you.”

“Oh my god, Scott, you’re a genius!” Cosima responds, jumping up from her chair. “The Neolutionists must have put some sort of device in her brain that’s allowing her to do this.”

“But the Neolutionists have been gone for years. No one knows where they went,” Scott replies.

“I know. Maybe they went underground. And they took Delphine with them,” Cosima remarks.

“But why? Why did they take her? Why did they lie to you about her being at that camp?” Scott wonders out loud.

“I don’t know, Scott,” Cosima states, putting her hand up to her forehead. “But we have to find her. Now more than ever. She needs me. She needs us.”

“Ok, what do we do now?”

“I need more information, and quick. I need to go back. I’m going home to focus,” Cosima says, grabbing her things and walking swiftly toward the door.

“I’m coming with you,” Scott agrees, following her.

“No, Scotty, you don’t have to.”

“Cosima, I’ve always been there for you. We’ve been through everything together. This is no different. And I need to make sure you don’t die. That would suck,” he says.

Cosima smiles. “Ok, fine, nerd.”

\-----

_Cosima gets closer to Delphine, their lips barely grazing, while their bodies press against each other. Cosima can feel her hips push into Delphine’s warmth as she throws her arms around her neck. She can feel Delphine wrap her arms around her waist, pressing into her, pulling her closer._

_Their lips touch for the briefest of moments as Cosima’s breath gets heavier. She closes her eyes. Delphine pulls her in, consuming her, surrounding her, the feeling electric. Cosima knows she is safe, for at least this one moment, she is safe in Delphine’s arms. Delphine backs up all of a sudden, and when Cosima opens her eyes, she’s gone. She tries to call out for her but she’s gone._

“Delphine!” Cosima yells.

Scott comes running into the room. “Hey, you’re awake, you’re awake,” he comforts, “Did you talk to her again?”

“No,” Cosima replies, grief stricken, “She...that wasn’t a memory...it was just a dream...just a regular dream...fuck.” The dream brought back all the feelings she had when Delphine had disappeared. The closeness she felt, the kiss, the feeling of home that she got for the briefest of moments when they kissed. And then the terrible despair when she was gone. “Fuck.”

“You ok? What happened?” Scott asks.

“Just you know, my heart breaking over and over again...that’s all,” Cosima attempts to joke.

Scott sits down on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry.”

Cosima puts her hands on the sides of her head. “I was trying to focus on memories and then I think I fell asleep, and had an actual dream for once.”

“Well, you can try again in a little bit,” he soothes, “I ordered pizza. It should be here soon. You should try to eat something.”

Cosima looks up at Scott. He always takes care of her. “Thanks, that actually sounds really good.”

She follows him out into the living room as the pizza arrives, and they sit in silence, eating for a moment.

Scott breaks the silence. “So,” he starts, “When are you going to tell your family about all this?”

“When I have some answers,” Cosima states.

“They’re going to support you. They love you, but they’re not going to be happy that you kept this from them. You should tell them sooner rather than later,” Scott tries to persuade.

Cosima sighs. “They didn’t even believe me. I’ll tell them when I have something.”

“Ok, I know I’m not going to win this argument, just voicing my opinion,” Scott replies.

“I know,” Cosima answers. She finishes eating before standing up to go back to the bedroom. “I think I’m going to lie down for the night. My mind is so tired.”

“Ok, but I’m staying. I’ll sleep on the couch if you don’t mind,” Scott says.

“Ok, thanks, Scotty. Goodnight.”

Cosima gets ready for bed and is asleep before her head even hits the pillow.

\-----

_Everything is dark around her, except for the flicker of light up ahead. She’s there again. The hallway. It’s cold, so cold._

_“Cosima…”_

_She can hear the whisper again. She picks up her feet. They actually move this time. She is more determined, more motivated, knowing Delphine needs her. She needs to know where she is, why she’s in this hallway. She moves quickly now, her hand feeling the wall at her side. She follows the light. It gets brighter, bigger as she moves toward it. She’s almost there._

_“Cosima…”_

_The voice is louder now, still a whisper, but not as faint as it was before. She tries to speak, but cannot._

_The light is there, right in front of her. There is a door, half open. She reaches her hand out, shoves it open. The light is blinding. She squints blocking her eyes from the white light searing into her skull._

_Her eyes adjust eventually and she is able to look around. She stands in the doorway. The room is all white, nothing in it, except one thing. A metal framed twin bed in the center of the room._

_And on it, Delphine, dressed all in white, her limbs shackled, wires sticking out of every inch of her head._

_\-----_

_Cosima gasps, unable to breath for a moment. It’s her. It’s actually her._

_She runs over to the bed, calling Delphine’s name, but she doesn’t turn to look at her. She is staring straight up at the ceiling, her eyes glazed over._

_“Delphine, I’m here, I’m here,” Cosima says, suddenly able to speak. She begins to pull the wires away, putting her hands on Delphine’s face. She looks so white, and so cold. Cosima tries to hold her tears back as she tries to wake her. She can’t get all the wires out. There are far too many, and some of them are stuck so far in she is afraid to pull them out._

_“Delphine, please, look at me...look at me...I’m here,” she chokes, her fingers frantic on Delphine’s face._

_Delphine blinks once. Just once, but Cosima can see the flicker of understanding there. She tries again to speak to her. “Delphine, can you hear me?” she asks._

_Delphine’s eyes move slightly to look at Cosima and she gets the same look of fear in them that she recognizes from the camp memory. “Co...Cos...Cosima?” she stutters, her mouth barely moving as she speaks._

_“Oh,” Cosima lets out a whimper as her tears stream down her face. “Yes, Delphine, it’s me. Please, we have to get you out of here.”_

_Delphine shakes her head frantically. “Someone’s com...coming...go...go…” she stumbles._

_“What? Who? Delphine, I’m not leaving you here,” Cosima protests._

_“Fer...Ferd…” Delphine mumbles, “Ferdinand.” She looks at Cosima with wide, fearful eyes. “This is it. He knows.”_

_Delphine turns her head suddenly away from Cosima._

_The entire room goes white and Cosima’s world goes dark._

\-----

Cosima wakes up with a panicked scream. Scott is by her bedside in two seconds, holding her, soothing her. “It’s ok, it’s ok.”

Tears are streaming down her face. “Scott, she’s alive. She’s alive,” she chokes, grabbing at him for any sort of comfort, “But she’s so scared, oh my god, Scott, she’s so scared.”

Cosima’s heart feels like it has been ripped from her chest. The pain is radiating throughout her entire body. She feels like she could die from the sheer exhaustion of it all.

“Ok, what happened? DId she say anything?” he asks.

Cosima takes a deep breath, wiping her tears away. “She said Ferdinand was coming.”

“Ferdinand? No one’s heard from him in years. Maybe he went underground with the Neolutionists?” Scott inquires.

Cosima shakes her head. “This doesn’t make any sense. Ferdinand hates Neolutionists. Why would he be working with them?”

“He hates Neolutionists,” Scott pauses, “but he loves Rachel. Maybe she’s pulling the strings behind this whole thing.”

“Scott, Delphine said this was it. That he knows. Do you think...do you think that means we can’t communicate anymore? Oh god, what are we going to do?” Cosima sobs into her hands, the frustration pouring out of her.

Scott takes a deep breath. “Cosima,” he says as he puts his hand on her shoulder. “It’s time. It’s time to tell your family.”

\-----


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very excited to share this chapter with you! Let me know what you think.
> 
> Thanks for continuing to read! :)

_She feels her warmth behind her. Her long arm snakes around her naked stomach. She feels her warm lips on her neck, her breasts pushing into her back. She smiles. She is happy._

_Cosima turns around to see Delphine’s beautiful face in front of her. She grabs her face, crashing their lips together, whimpering into the kiss. Her hips are so soft, her mouth so intoxicating, her tongue tracing patterns on her own, causing shivers all the way down._

_Delphine kisses down her jawline, to her neck, sucking her earlobe into her mouth, eliciting a deep groan from Cosima. “Mon amour,” Delphine whispers._

_Cosima holds on to this feeling. She feels warm. She feels safe._

_Delphine’s hands move over her body like a painter perfecting her brush strokes. She knows just what to do, has practiced it over and over, though it never feels the same. There’s always something new, something different to learn, and Cosima is the willing participant in her experiments._

_She moans as Delphine moves over her, filling her, her love communicated through her fingers and her eyes. Orbs of hazel stare deeply, intensely, wanting. Cosima can only think of that moment, nothing else. She gazes at the woman above her, reaching for her, pulling her closer, so their bodies meld together. In this embrace, she is home._

_Her pleasure washes over her and Delphine never stops looking at her. It’s the tenderness of her eyes that she almost can’t bear. The love behind them, the thoughts running through Delphine’s mind that Cosima can only imagine._

_She grasps Delphine tightly as she quakes, her tears swelling to her eyes. Delphine leans down to kiss her neck, whispering, “Mon amour.”_

_Cosima can’t speak. She’s lost in her thoughts, in the feelings. She closes her eyes tightly, trying to hold onto this moment._

_When she opens her eyes, Delphine is no longer above her. She jolts up, looking to her side. Delphine is lying there, on her back, wires sticking out of her head._

_Cosima screams, her tears streaming down her face. She screams, but no sound comes out._

Cosima’s eyes open as she bolts upright. She is shaking. 

She could handle the memories, the strain on her brain, but this...this is torture. Having to relive her connection with Delphine, only for it to be ripped from her again, it is too much. Her heart feels like the first day she knew Delphine was gone. Crushed. Completely shattered. The pain in her chest is unlike anything she has known before. Helpless. Hopeless. Delphine needs her and she has no idea what to do.

She pulls her knees up to her chest and sobs. Her tears run over her until she feels like she has nothing left.

She knows Scott is right. She needs to tell her family. She needs help. This hurts. But she can’t even imaging how Delphine is hurting.

\-----

“You’re coming home, Cos?”

“Yes,” she answers. “Sarah, I...there are some things that have been going on...I...I need you to know.”

“Are you ok?” Sarah asks, with a worried tone.

“I’ll explain when I get there. Can you get everyone to come to Felix’s tomorrow night? We’re gonna need Art and Mrs. S too. Everyone,” Cosima states.

“Yeah, ok,” Sarah replies, “Cos, you gonna be ok?”

“I hope so. I need you now though. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She hangs up the phone, walking out into the living room where Scott is sitting, on his laptop.

“Good morning,” he says, “How’s your head?”

“It’s fine,” Cosima answers, “Scott, I’m heading home tomorrow. You were right. I have to bring them in. I can’t do this alone anymore.”

“I’m coming with you, Cosima,” Scott states.

Cosima knows she can’t argue with him, so she smiles. “Ok, thank you, Scotty.”

\-----

“Come here, Cos.” 

Sarah pulls Cosima into a deep hug. “It’s so good to see you,” she tells her.

“You too,” Cosima grins.

She scans the room behind Sarah seeing all the familiar faces that she’s missed so much.

“Fancy a drink, Cos?” Felix asks her from the kitchen as she walks into his living room.

“I think we’re all going to need one,” she answers.

“Auntie Cosima!” She sees a little figure running toward her out of the corner of her eye. She turns just in time for her to jump into her arms.

“Oh my gosh, Kira, you’ve grown so much!” Cosima exclaims. “You’re not too big for the tickle monster now, are you?” She pinches the sides of the girl in her arms as she giggles, before putting her back down on the floor.

“Sestra, I have missed you,” Helena says as she comes over. “How is the school? Everyone treating you good? If not, I will come and give them a talking to.”

Cosima smiles, shaking her head. “Yes, Helena, everything is fine. Thank you.” She opens her arms and embraces her, spotting Allison behind her.

“Cosima,” Allison states, “It is good to see you. You look well.”

“Get over here,” Cosima tells her, pulling her roughly into a hug. Allison lets out an “Oh” and finally lets her body relax into Cosima’s.

Cosima turns her head, seeing Art and Mrs. S. She hugs them both and thanks them for coming.

“Of course, love. Sarah said you may need a bit of help,” Mrs. S replies.

“Yeah, we’re here for you,” Art echoes.

Cosima takes a deep breath. She’s nervous all of a sudden. What if they don’t believe her? They haven’t been the most supportive in the last couple years about her obsession with Delphine’s disappearance. “Well, I guess we should jump right in. I think you should all sit down.”

“Monkey, why don’t you go play on Uncle Felix’s bed for a little while,” Sarah tells Kira. The little girl runs and jumps up on the bed, burying her face in her book.

Cosima looks at Scott before she begins. At least he is here to back her up. At least there’s someone there who already believes her.

She starts at the beginning, with the dreams, the headaches, the memories, explaining how the voice started creeping in at some point. How she figured out it was Delphine, and how her brain was jumbling everything, how she finally communicated. She tells them about the last dream she had about the hallway, where Delphine was in the white room. She gets through it all, and they listen intently, not interrupting.

She tries to read the reactions on their faces as she talks, but she can’t tell if they are believing her or not. Scott confirms the things she says, telling them about the brain scan and the blackouts. She finally finishes the backstory, hoping she has explained it well enough to be convincing.

“So, this is why I need your help,” Cosima explains, “And I know none of you believed me about Delphine that night at the camp, but I’m asking you...no...I’m begging you to believe me now. Because I feel it throughout my entire body. She’s alive, and she needs our help, and if you say no, I don’t know what I’ll do. This is my last option. I can’t do this alone.” She looks around, feeling the tears coming to her eyes.

“Shit, Cos,” Sarah finally breaks the silence, “Why the hell didn’t you tell us before?”

Cosima huffs. “You guys were not the most supportive, ok? I have felt very alone these past couple years, afraid to talk about Delphine. You made it pretty clear you didn’t want to hear about it.”

“We all thought you had been too sick that night to remember. And everything pointed to the fact that Delphine died at DYAD. That’s what everyone confirmed. We thought,” Sarah pauses, “we thought you were just so heartbroken, and we didn’t want to encourage you if there was no hope. What kind of life would that be?”

“Well, I never gave up. And now...now,” Cosima’s tears begin to spill over, “Please tell me you’ll help me find her...please.”

“I’m in,” Felix interjects, “I could use a little excitement in my life. It’s been a while since I’ve put on my detective hat.”

“I think you should leave that to me,” Art says, “Cosima, I’m here to help.”

Helena and Allison nod and say, “Me too” in unison.

Cosima looks around with teary eyes. “Thank you,” she chokes. She looks at Sarah, whose head is down. “Sarah?”

Sarah looks up. Tears are staining her cheeks. She gets up, throwing her arms around Cosima. “I’m sorry, Cos...I’m so, so sorry,” she mutters, “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”

Cosima rubs her back gently. “It’s ok, it’s ok...I just need you now.”

Sarah backs up, nodding. “Anything. So, how are we going to find her?”

“You said Delphine mentioned Ferdinand,” Mrs. S responds, “I can make some calls, see if anyone has any idea about his whereabouts.”

“And I can put out some feelers, look into it,” Art agrees.

“Mommy?”

“Not now, Kira, give us a second, please,” Sarah answers Kira.

“But Mommy,” Kira persists,, “I know where she is.”

They all turn to the girl sitting cross legged on the bed and give a collective, “What?”

“I know where she is.”

Sarah walks over to her. “What are you talking about, Kira? How do you know?”

“Delphine told me.”

\-----


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters for you all today! (One is very short.) We're getting closer!

_She is screaming, sobbing, choking, flailing. They hold her down on the cot, inject her with something as she protests._

_"Delphine!" she shouts, but it's no use._

_Her world shatters around her as she starts to feel woozy. Her eyes flutter in an attempt to stay awake, to hold on to the one thread of hope that's left._

_She focuses on the voice in her mind._

_"Keep breathing, keep breathing."_

_Soothing. Caring. Loving._

_"Keep breathing, keep breathing."_

_Drifting. Falling. Darkness._

\-----

Cosima gets up immediately, walking over to Kira, her heart and head pounding. She sits on the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath. 

“Kira,” she says softly, “Can you tell me what happened?”

Kira shrugs, “I don't know. I was having a dream about you and then Delphine was there too.”

“What kind of dream? Were you asleep?” Cosima asks. 

Kira shakes her head. “I don't think so. You were feeling sad. I knew you were sad.”

Cosima takes Kira's hand. “What happened in the dream?”

“I saw you in this room. It was really bright. You looked upset,” Kira tells her. 

“Was Delphine there?”

“Not at first. I couldn't really see what you were doing but it looked like there was someone lying down in front of you. When I looked closer, I saw her and she looked at me,” Kira responds. 

“She looked at you?” Cosima asks, stunned. 

Kira nods.

“And she said something to you? What did she say?”

“She said she never left.”

Cosima looks around the room at the silent, intense faces. “She never left?”

“She just kept saying that over and over. She never left, she never left,” Kira explains. 

Scott chimes in. “She never left. Maybe she was trying to tell you she never left you.”

“But she wasn't talking to me, Scott. She was talking to Kira,” Cosima reckons. “And why was she able to talk to Kira?”

“I don't know, Cos, but it seems like it's pretty important if that's what she chose to say,” Sarah interjects, pacing the floor, her hand on her head. 

“Well, if she's saying she never left, that means she's still in the same place she was before. But where was that? The last place she was?” Art ponders. 

Cosima's eyes go wide. “The night I saw her at the camp. That's the last place. That's the memory she used to communicate with me. She never left. It doesn't make sense. We searched that camp top to bottom looking for her. She wasn't there.”

“But maybe she means she never left the island. Cosima, she could still be there,” Scott figures. 

“What? How? The house is the only other structure on the island and that was searched too,” Cosima remembers. 

“Auntie Cosima?”

Cosima turns back to Kira. “Yeah?”

“I remembered something else. Right before the room went dark, she told me to find the swan.”

“The swan?”

Kira nods. 

“Wasn't the swan in that crazy Neolutionist book at the house?” Sarah asks. 

“Yeah,” Cosima answers, “but how will that help us?”

“I don't know, Cos,” Sarah replies, “But I think we know where we have to start. We know what we've got to do now.”

Cosima nods. “We have to go back to the island.”

\-----


	10. Chapter 10

Cosima lays down in Felix’s bed, staring at the ceiling, her mind racing. They are going back to the island. Will they be able to find anything? What if Delphine isn't there? What if Delphine _is_ there? She doesn't think her heart will be able to take it, any of it. The stress is burning through her like an ember stoking slowly in a fire. 

They have a plan. She tries to relax herself, slowing her thoughts, going through what they had discussed earlier. 

Art will arrange the helicopter. They will go in two trips, leaving Allison and Felix behind. They aren't cut out for this type of adventure and someone needs to stay back and watch the kids. Cosima will go first with Sarah and Helena. Art, Scott, and Mrs. S will follow closely after. 

If there is any danger present, they will hide and wait until the other group gets there. Strength in numbers. 

The island is meant to be deserted. They will have a look around, find the swan, search for any clues. 

Cosima takes a deep breath. _One step at a time._

She tries to be methodical, think of this like a scientist. _Don't think about how scared Delphine is._

She has the support of her family now. With them behind her, they will be able to accomplish much more. There is a slight feeling of comfort knowing that they believe her now, that all those years are not lost. They are all in this together, as they always have been. She relaxes her body, slowly slipping into sleep, knowing she’ll need all her strength for the journey that lies ahead. 

\-----

“Ok, you’re all set,” Art shouts, as he gets them strapped into the helicopter. “Remember, we’ll be a few hours behind you, so wait for us if you see anything suspicious.”

Cosima nods. “We’ve got Helena with us. I think we’ll be ok,” she smirks.

“Just don’t do anything stupid,” Art answers, “I’m looking at you, Sarah.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sarah responds, rolling her eyes. “We’ll be fine, Art. Just doing a little detective work.”

“I’m not so sure it’s just that. Please be careful.”

The copter takes off and soon they find themselves high above the ground, looking down to the scenery below. It’s bittersweet, the rolling hills and calm water, juxtaposed with Cosima’s feeling of pure dread, the idea that something can exist that is so beautiful while the love of her life is suffering. 

The island comes into sight. They are going to search the house first, that’s the plan. They swing around to the landing strip nearest to the house. As they approach, Cosima sees it, quiet, looming. The fear grips her as she recalls what she saw the last night she was there. Rachel, Susan Duncan...all the memories come flooding back to her and she gasps. Sarah grabs her hand and looks at her.

“It’s going to be ok, Cos,” she soothes, “We’re here for you.”

Cosima nods as they land. As soon as they depart the helicopter, she feels the chill. It’s freezing, and she knows it will only get colder. She doesn’t want to think of how terrible she felt that night, the hypothermia taking over, her body giving up, until...until Delphine…

She shakes her head. She needs to focus. 

“Come on,” Sarah beckons, “Helena, are you ready?”

“I got your back, sestras,” Helena says as she giggles.

“Oi, meathead, come on,” Sarah plays, throwing her arm around Helena’s shoulder and offering her other hand to Cosima.

The three sisters walk together up to the house. It’s completely quiet and dark inside. Cosima knows it won’t be dark for another four or five hours, so they have some sunlight left.

“Wait,” Helena instructs, throwing her arms out to stop Sarah and Cosima from walking. “I will go first, look around. You stay here until I make sure to give you clear coast.”

“Make sure the coast is clear?” Cosima asks.

Sarah just shakes her head, grinning. Helena is already off, walking closer to the house. She is inside before they can protest.

Cosima looks out toward the water, thinking about the hope she had felt the last time she had come there. Hope for the cure, hope to save her sisters. She had done all that, and she thought it would make everything better, but the fact that Delphine disappeared had made her feel completely empty inside. 

“Hey,” Sarah startles Cosima from her thoughts, “Deep breaths, Cos. We’re doing everything we can.”

“Are we?” she retorts, suddenly realizing she has tears in her eyes.

“Yes, we’re doing what we can right now. Come here,” Sarah replies, pulling her into her arms. It’s soothing not just for the comfort it brings, but for the warmth she now feels radiating through her chest.

The door clicks open. “All the coasts are cleared now. Nobody inside,” Helena tells them.

Cosima isn’t sure if she’s disappointed or relieved. She needs to find that book. See if there are any answers there. They head inside, closing the door behind them.

The silence inside is unexpected. It’s quiet in an eerie way, like something doesn’t feel quite right. Cosima heads downstairs to the room she is most familiar with, the one where she found the cure, as Sarah and Helena search the upstairs.

Cosima finds the door already open, most likely from Helena’s thorough search. The room is oddly still. She walks inside slowly, telling herself that it’s fine, there is no one here, yet she still feels that uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. 

She looks around. There are papers and books lying everywhere, thrown about, perhaps from when the house was searched years ago. She pours through the piles, looking for the one book that is important to her. She gasps when she sees it, peeking out from the bottom of a dusty pile.

Placing it on the table, she opens it, finding the page with the swan on it, the dust flying up and coating her glasses as she coughs. She removes them to wipe them clean before placing them back on her face.

The swan drawing comes into focus as she runs her finger over the page. She looks intently, searching for something, anything. 

There’s nothing there. 

She sighs, thinking about what Kira had said. ‘Find the swan, find the swan.’

Cosima sits on the chair next to her, face in her hands. What does it all mean? What is she supposed to do now? She wishes she could still communicate with Delphine, that she could somehow get one more clue to put this puzzle together. Is this crazy? They have come all the way back to this island. And for what? Delphine could be anywhere. She is no closer to figuring things out, and doesn't know where to go next.

She jumps as she hears someone walk into the room.

“Sestra?”

She looks up to see Helena, closely followed by Sarah standing in the doorway.

“I think I find something. Come.”

Helena leads them to the end of the hallway. “Here, sestra.” She points to the wall. Hanging in the center of the wall is a large, round plate made out of what appears to be stone. There is a picture carved into it that is barely visible in such low light. Cosima steps closer, running her finger over the smooth ridges. Her eyes go wide.

The swan.

\-----


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all, for sticking with me!

“Cosima?” Sarah asks into the dim light.

“We need more light,” Cosima answers, her eyes squinting, trying to search for any clues.

Helena takes her flashlight from her back pocket and shines it forward, illuminating the stone. Cosima can see now the grey swan perfectly in front of her. She feels around it, realizing it’s hanging on the wall. It shifts slightly as she moves her hands around the sides.

She steps back for a moment, staring, thinking.

“What does it mean?” Sarah breaks the silence.

“I...I don’t know,” Cosima replies, “Helena, can I have the flashlight?”

Helena hands it to her and she runs the light up and down the wall around the hanging picture.

“Wait, Cos,” Sarah interjects, “What is that?” She walks over to the wall, running her fingers over what appears to be a piece of metal jutting out from one side. She looks down, seeing another of a similar shape and size directly in line with the first.

“Cos, they’re hinges.”

Cosima walks over, seeing exactly what Sarah sees. “Oh my god, it’s a door,” she says with a look of shock on her face.

“Did you ever see a door here?” Sarah asks.

Cosima shakes her head. “How do we open it though?”

“Sestra, the swan,” Helena points, walking over to it. She puts her hands securely around the stone structure, lifting and grunting. 

“Helena, what—”

Before Cosima can finish, Helena has already lifted the entire plate off the wall. Her eyes widen as she realizes what lies behind. There is a large square hole inside the wall, and in it, sits what looks like a door knocker. But it’s not, Cosima realizes.

It’s a handle.

Cosima walks closer, putting her hand up and gripping the handle. “Here goes nothing.”

She pulls and hears a click, as the door swings back toward them. “Holy shit,” she exclaims.

Behind the door is a staircase going down. She tries shining the light, but the staircase seems to endlessly disappear into the darkness.

“Alright, guess we’re going down,” Cosima states, her voice shaky.

Sarah and Helena nod and stick close to her as they descend. The first thing that hits Cosima is the cold. It’s freezing down here and so dark. The light barely allows them to see in front of them. They reach the bottom of the staircase and look around.

They are in a hallway. As they walk forward, Cosima gets a strange feeling of familiarity, like she’s been there before. Her hand glides against the wall as she feels her way forward, only the sounds of Sarah and Helena’s breath right behind her. The hall turns to the right and as soon as she turns, she sees it. Up ahead. The room. The flickering light.

She tries to gasp but she can’t. This is it. This is where Delphine is. She knows. She _knows_. Her heart jumps into her throat as she begins to sweat despite the cold. She walks closer, following the light, swallowing the fear and pushing forward. 

She can’t hear anything anymore. Her mind is only focused on Delphine, seeing her, saving her from all of this. She feels a glimmer of hope inside as she arrives at the doorway, turning into the light, pushing the door all the way open. 

The room is all white, nothing in it, except one thing. A metal framed twin bed in the center of the room.

It's completely empty.

\-----

Cosima crumples to the ground, her sobs coming like a tsunami.

Sarah falls to her knees, wrapping her arms around Cosima, pulling her into her chest. “Cosima, it's ok,” she consoles. 

“No, no, it's not,” Cosima cries, “She...she's supposed to be here. This isn't how it's supposed to go...no...no…” Her body is shaking uncontrollably and Sarah holds her, rocking gently. 

Her mind is a jumble of memories. She keeps replaying the dreams over and over, hoping there is something she missed. A small detail, something, anything. The hallway. The swan. The room. What is she missing? 

She feels herself being pulled up. She can barely see in front of her, her vision a mess of runny tears. She hears Sarah urging her out of the room, back up the stairs. She's being carried, perhaps by Helena. She doesn't care. Her entire body is limp, like all the emotions she has been holding in all these years have come to a front, spilling out of her body with an uncontrollable vigor. 

All of a sudden there is no more darkness, the house comes into focus as Cosima realizes she's been brought back upstairs to the living room, Sarah at her side, once again, rubbing her back as Helena paces the floor. 

Cosima's tears slow as she regains her composure. She looks to Sarah with fear in her eyes. “What do we do now?”

“We're gonna figure it out, Cos,” Sarah assures. 

Cosima shakes her head. Her optimism is waning. She doesn't believe anymore that they will figure anything out. 

“I don't know, Sarah. I just don't know,” she sniffles. “What if this is a lost cause? What if she's gone?”

“You should listen to your sister, Sarah.”

Cosima freezes. She knows that voice. That creepy, low-pitched voice. She turns to see the tall bespectacled man whose sight sends shivers down her spine. 

“Nice to see you, Cosima,” he speaks again. 

_Ferdinand._

\-----


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all - we're getting close to the end. After this, there will be two more updates. I'd love to know what you think, so please leave me a comment :D They help keep me motivated.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

The first thing she feels is the pain. The splitting pain in her head. She tries to move her hands to her head but as soon as she does, she hears the clink of metal. Her eyes slowly open to see her wrists shackled to the metal pipe next to her. Her head is foggy. She sees sunlight pouring through the nearby window. She can barely remember what that had looked like. 

Her eyes dart around, trying to piece things together. Where is she? How did she get here? She realizes she's on the floor, her knees up at her chest, unable to move her arms. 

As the room comes into focus, she notices a sense of familiarity with the place. Her eyes widen as she realizes where she is. The yurt. 

It is empty, no furniture, no bed, the place where she had comforted her love all those years ago. The last time she saw her, held her, kissed her. 

Delphine realizes where she is, and she is scared. 

She suddenly realizes that she is shivering. Whoever left her here put a coat around her but other than that, she is still in the thin white cotton she's been wearing for years. She shakes, trying to get her body to warm itself, but she knows it's no use. She knows that once it gets dark, she’ll be in trouble. 

She thinks about everything that has happened since she last saw her. Cosima. She can barely think her name without feeling the familiar prick of tears in her eyes. 

That night had given her so much hope. To see her love again, to hold her, comfort her, it was the best feeling in the world. After all that time, they had reconnected. There had been so much she wanted to tell Cosima but she was so sick. She had to focus on making her stronger, so for that night, she poured her love and warmth into the smaller woman, giving her life. 

She hadn't felt the pinprick when they took her away. The needle came fast and before she knew it, Delphine was on the ground, mind hazy, eyes half closed. She hadn't had the strength to call out for Cosima. She was asleep anyway so she never knew. Cosima never knew they took her that night. 

Delphine can barely remember being dragged away, but the drug didn't take its full effect until later. For that, she is grateful. It gave her key pieces of information that she didn't know she would need at the time, but which helped her later. 

She remembers being taken from the camp and being driven somewhere. She knows they never left the island. She wasn't sure where they were, but she could see flashes, images. One image was seared into her mind before everything went dark. A long hallway, something hanging on the wall, no, the door. It was a door. The swan. She noticed it because it seemed so out of place, like they were in someone's home. Was there a place like that on the island? Where were they taking her now? Why? 

She hadn't known at the time that that would be the last time she saw Cosima. Maybe she should have fought harder. The drugs made her powerless and she succumbed to them despite her best efforts to stay awake. 

She wouldn't see the light of day for two years. 

\-----

They kept her in the dark. Not pitch dark, but in very low light. She remembers the contrast between the room where she would sleep and the room where they would…

Bright light. The thing that was forever seared into her brain. So many hours spent staring up at the blazing white light, unable to move, unable to speak. Only her mind to occupy her. 

For a while, she didn't know what they were doing, why they were keeping her like this. She heard occasional whispers but could never get the full story. 

_Experiments...her mind...see if she can handle...memories...extraction…_

She knew they were playing with her brain. They wanted her to think sometimes of another place, to see if she could put herself there. She knew they had done something to her head, she could feel the mess of wires plugged into her. She was a science experiment, she realized. The thought of her life being thrown away like this made her almost give up hope. 

She would think of Cosima, of the one night they spent together. The idea that she had found a cure gave her hope, hope that Cosima was alive, hope that she would one day hold the woman she loved. The woman she had fought so hard for. It couldn't all be for nothing. 

At some point she realized she could communicate with the people in these memories. They were sending her places, odd places, different times, with people and voices she did not recognize, and she was to report on what she saw. 

That's when she realized she could take control of the experiment. She was the one controlling the memories. Why couldn't she use them to her advantage? 

She began to pull out memories of Cosima from deep within her mind. It was unsuccessful at first. She didn't know if it would ever work. But she had to keep trying. 

At first she pushed her own memory of the hallway, the walk she did every day from the room they were keeping her to the room where they experimented. She thought maybe if she could make Cosima see it, she could eventually communicate. 

Then she tried memories. The device in her brain allowed her to reach out and get into someone else's mind. She didn't know how it was possible but it gave her a powerful weapon. 

It was difficult to get through. It took so much concentration that she was often completely exhausted at the end of the day. Her head would pound with splitting pain. Still, she couldn't give up. 

She tried and tried until one day, she had a breakthrough. She had been focusing on the memory of their last night together, trying so hard to get Cosima to hear her. 

_I think I'm dying._

She heard Cosima say it over and over until finally she broke through, her eyes looking into her soul and she knew. She knew. She had done it. 

She tried to speak but could barely get the syllables out. She knew she needed help and with her limited vocabulary she was able to get the important piece of information across. 

_Rachel's eye._

She knew Cosima would be able to decode the message. 

The night she made the next breakthrough, everything changed. As she went under, she noticed something was off. She knew Ferdinand was unhappy with the results she had been reporting. She had been making most of it up, trying so hard to keep the secrets she was holding onto. She just needed a little bit more time. 

She tried one more time to get Cosima to see her in the hallway, to come to the room. She called out to her. The next thing she knew, Cosima was there, standing above her. She had done it. 

As soon as she saw her face, she realized something was wrong. She could hear Ferdinand. He knew. He knew what was going on, what she had been doing. She tried to warn Cosima, tell her he was coming. 

But then she realized something else. Someone else. 

She turned to her side. Kira was there. She didn't know how, she didn't know why. She knew Kira had a special connection with the clones, but she never expected this. 

Delphine felt an ease communicating with her. One she hadn't felt with Cosima. Perhaps it was because she was a child, her mind more free, more open to imagination. 

She knew what she needed to tell her. She chose her words carefully as she didn't know how many she would get. 

_I never left. Find the swan._

\-----

There were no more experiments after that. Ferdinand cut her off completely. For the past three days, she was left in her cell, in the darkness.

Now, she is surprised. Why have they brought her here? She is cold, so cold. Have they left her here to die? Is it because they have no use for her anymore?

For years, she has been scared. But now, she’s just tired. So tired. So cold. She can feel herself slipping. Her mind has had enough. It’s been beaten and bruised. 

No, she tells herself. She has to fight for any iota of hope that was left inside her. She had fought so hard to communicate with Cosima. Maybe, just maybe, she had gotten the message. 

Delphine would give anything just to see her one more time, to know she was safe. She would do anything to hold her close, tell her that she means the world to her, that she would willingly give her life over and over to make sure that Cosima was ok. 

She feels her tears coming but doesn’t have the energy to cry. She pictures her lying there in that bed that night, so small, so weak, so fragile. She imagines how it could have been, taking care of her, administering the cure, being by her side as she got stronger. Healing the pain with her kisses. Giving her warmth with her arms wrapped tightly around her tiny frame. Showing her the love she always knew she deserved but could never properly give her. This is her fantasy. She would give anything. Not that she has anything left to give anymore.

She wonders if anyone will care if she dies. She’s already dead, she has been for years. No one will notice. Her family has probably long forgotten her, stopped looking. Cosima is the only one who might care. The only one in the world.

She closes her eyes for a moment, feeling the pull of sleep. She shoots them open, knowing she needs to try to stay awake. If she falls asleep, she will surely die quickly. She shivers, pain running through her body as she tries to think warm thoughts of her love.

\-----


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D

Cosima and Sarah shoot up from the couch. Helena is already running toward Ferdinand, anger in her eyes.

 

“Uh uh, I wouldn’t do that,” he says quickly, holding his hands up. “You need me.”

 

Helena grabs his hands, pulling them behind his back. “Give me word, sestra. I’ll break his neck.”

 

“Wait, Helena,” Cosima orders, walking toward Ferdinand. “Where’s Delphine?” she shouts.

 

Ferdinand laughs. “She’s gone. Totally fried. She couldn’t handle it here. We’ve taken care of her.”

 

Cosima feels her tears coming, but holds them back. “Where did you take her?” She knows Delphine is still alive. She can feel it. She can’t be dead, not after all of this.

 

“You really think I will tell you? Even if you found her, she’s completely useless. Her brain couldn’t handle any of it. She won’t even recognize you,” he spits.

 

Sarah walks over to Ferdinand, grabbing his neck. “You piece of shite, tell us where you’ve taken her,” she screams.

 

Ferdinand chokes before she lets him go. He begins to laugh again. “You think you can torture me? I’ll never give anything up. In fact, I rather enjoy it,” he grins.

 

“Maybe you need a little encouragement.”

 

Cosima looks up to see Art walking in the room. He is closely followed by Scott and Mrs. S. She is dragging someone else behind her.

 

The woman is bound and gagged. 

 

_Rachel._

 

Cosima’s eyes go wide.

 

“I thought we might need some insurance,” Art tells them. “Looks like I was right.”

 

Cosima can’t believe her eyes. Rachel looks completely different. Her hair has grown longer, her features no longer seem as rigid as they once were. She is dressed in a grey prison jumpsuit, but as she stares at them, Cosima recognizes that look. It’s the same. The same evil nature she always had.

 

Mrs. S sits her down on a chair, securing her arms and legs to it.

 

“That’s right Ferdinand,” Mrs. S starts, “By the way, so nice to see you again. Never thought I’d get the pleasure. I am certainly going to enjoy this. How do you feel about us torturing your precious Rachel?”

 

Ferdinand’s face is somber now. He’s no longer laughing. “You don’t have the guts to do it,” he states.

 

“Oh, you don’t know me very well, love,” Mrs. S answers, taking out her knife. “Perhaps I’ll begin with this lovely face. Or maybe right here.” She brings the knife behind Rachel’s ear and makes a sharp, deep cut as blood trickles down.

 

Rachel looks at Ferdinand, screaming. He falls to his knees. “Stop!” he instructs. 

 

Cosima steps in toward him, her rage taking her over. “Tell me where she is right now, or we’ll keep going. We’ll sic Helena on her and then she’ll be in real trouble,” she yells.

 

“You ruined everything,” he shouts. “We were on the verge of a breakthrough. Rachel, my love, I’m sorry, I’ve failed you.”

 

Rachel looks at him intensely, scowling despite her gagged mouth.

 

“I said, where is she?” Cosima screams.

 

“I told my men to take her somewhere to let her rot. She’s probably dead already,” he spits.

 

“Where? Where did they take her?”

 

“How am I supposed to know? Somewhere on this goddamn island. I don’t know. Everyone’s gone. I shut down the experiment this morning,” he answers. “There’s no one left to get your answers from. So kill me, I don’t care. That’s all I know.”

 

When Cosima hears Ferdinand’s words, she knows they can’t waste any more time. She looks around. “We have to go, NOW!” she yells. “If Delphine is on this island, we have to find her immediately. She’ll die out there when it gets dark.” 

 

“Ok, Siobhan, can we leave you with them?” Art asks, “We’ll split up, search as much of the island as we can.”

 

“I’ve got this,” she assures, beginning to tie Ferdinand up. She turns to Cosima. “Go. Go find her.”

 

They all head out at a hurried pace. “Alright,” Art says, “We need a plan.”

 

“I think we should head toward the camp,” Cosima interjects. “The rest of the island is forest and will be very difficult to get through. I can’t imagine they left her in the middle of…” She stops herself, unable to think about what state Delphine could be in right now, if she’s even out there….alive.

 

“Let’s go, Cos.” Sarah sees Cosima retreating back into her head and tries to get her to focus on the task at hand.

 

“I’ll have the helicopter circle the island, search the woods,” Art tells them, turning to talk into his radio.

 

They set out. There is maybe an hour of daylight left. They have to move quickly. 

 

Cosima has the strangest sense of deja vu as she walks. She remembers the feeling she had when she had guided Charlotte. She had been so scared that night, but knew she needed to be strong for the girl. She thought they were going to die that night. The exhaustion had been unbearable, her body giving up. 

 

At least Charlotte had been able to receive the cure before it was too late. She had gone to live with Allison and is now living a life away from all this, with Oscar and Gemma as her siblings. At least something good had come out of it all.

 

“Do you know where you’re going, Cos?” Sarah asks.

 

“Yes,” Cosima states, firmly. She had been lost that night, but afterwards, she learned this island well, when she had searched for Delphine. All that time, back and forth between the camp and the house, desperately seeking answers.

 

She continues to lead them, walking at a furious pace. Her mind wanders to what Ferdinand had said. _She won’t even recognize you._ What if he was right? What if what they had done to her was too much? She couldn’t entertain the thought. _One step at a time._

 

The light is fading as they come upon the camp. It looks so different than it did that night. There is no warmth there. Just stillness, emptiness, the huts still standing, solemn, eerie.

 

“Let’s split up and search them,” Art instructs.

 

They all walk in different directions, but Cosima heads straight toward the one. The one. She has to check there first. She slowly approaches the door. It is not inviting as it was that night. There is no light, no fire, nobody coming out to greet her.

 

She pulls the door open. It’s dark inside. As the light from the door washes over the yurt, she lets her eyes adjust. She steps inside and her heart stops as she sees the form huddled in the corner.

 

Blonde curls. Light skin.

 

_It’s her._

 

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, thanks for sticking with me through this journey. The last update will be posted on Saturday. 
> 
> I love hearing from y'all, so please take a moment to leave me a comment or send me a note on tumblr ([cophinelovin](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/cophinelovin)). :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright folks, this is it. Here's one more chapter plus an epilogue. I really hope you've enjoyed!

_She looks down. Her purse is in her hand. Heels click on the pavement as she walks to her car. She sets her bag on the floor, turning, looking up._

_“What will happen to her?”_

_She feels the searing pain in her abdomen for a brief second but then it is gone. She looks to the wound as she falls to the ground. There is no blood. There is nothing._

_“Neither of us can afford to play favorites now, can we?”_

_She looks up. She’s no longer on the ground. She’s standing. She goes to answer the man in front of her when all of a sudden she is somewhere else._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_She is crying._

_“I’ve made a terrible mistake.”_

_She turns to look at Cosima but she can’t see her._

_Suddenly, Ferdinand is there, pulling her by the arms, dragging her. She knows he’s taking her back, back to the room. She tries to scream but nothing comes out. Her fear bubbles up, unable to stop it._

_“Delphine!”_

_She sees his face, angry, forceful. She tries to fight, squirming._

_“Delphine!”_

_No, no, no, this can’t be happening again. She can’t bear one more second of being hooked up like a lab rat._

_“Delphine!”_

_She finds her voice._

_“No!”_

_She is screaming now, tears streaming down her face._

_“Delphine! Can you hear me?”_

_What?_

 

“Delphine! Please, wake up...wake up!”

 

Delphine’s eyes flutter open. There is a figure in front of her. Is it...Ferdinand?

 

“No, no, no, please, no…” she shouts.

 

“Delphine, it’s me...it’s me…”

 

“No, I can’t...don’t do this...no…” she whines.

 

She feels hands on her face.

 

“Look at me! It’s me...I’m here...it’s ok...I’m here…”

 

Delphine blinks and suddenly the face in front of her is different. It’s something...familiar. She squints, her mind unable to process where she is. Her brain is working overtime, trying to come to terms with what is in front of her. Her eyes open wider.

 

“Co...si...ma?” she whispers slowly.

 

“Yes! Oh my god, Delphine, yes, it’s me. I’m here. It’s ok...you’re safe...it’s ok.”

 

“Cosima…”

 

Cosima strokes Delphine’s face with her fingers. “Yes, I’m here.”

 

“You...you found the swan,” Delphine whimpers.

 

“Yes,” Cosima chokes as her tears flow. “You did it. You led me here.”

 

Delphine tries to reach out to her but her wrists are still shackled. 

 

“Shit, we need to get you out of here,” Cosima states. “Hold on.” She gets up, quickly running for the door, yelling out to everyone else.

 

They come running and Helena immediately rips the pipe off the wall that Delphine is held to. Art picks the locks on Delphine’s chains and the moment she is free, she stands up slowly and throws her arms around Cosima. Her body is weak and she falls into the brunette’s embrace.

 

Cosima uses all her strength to hold her up, squeezing her tightly. It feels like a dream, a fantasy, but she knows it’s real this time. She knows she has found her. And now, she will never let her go.

 

She brings her arms up to Delphine’s neck, looking her in the eye. “I can’t believe I found you.” She strokes her hair gently, feeling the love swell through her fingers, straight from her heart.

 

“I didn’t know if you gave up...it had been so long,” Delphine replies, holding Cosima’s waist.

 

Cosima brings her face close to Delphine’s, kissing her gently on the cheek. “Never,” she whispers, “I never gave up.”

 

Delphine lifts her hand to Cosima’s face and pulls her close so their lips meet. Cosima feels the electricity course through her body at the soft touch and she closes her eyes, the joy almost unbearable. She feels her body start to shake as the sobs come, uncontrollably. The mix of emotions overtakes them both and Cosima falls into Delphine’s chest as they soothe each other, crying and shivering.

 

They quiet after a few minutes, lingering in each other’s arms, unable to break away.

 

“The chopper’s on it’s way,” Art breaks the silence, “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

 

\-----


	15. Epilogue

_Cosima sits on the grass, smiling up at the sun. It's a beautiful day._

_“Auntie Cosima, look what I made,” Kira says, holding up her drawing. On it is a picture of everyone in the family._

_“Wow, monkey, that's awesome,” Cosima beams._

_“Look at mine,” Charlotte states, bringing the piece of paper over. “I tried to draw your tattoo.”_

_Cosima looks down at the page and sees the familiar swirl from her wrist. “So cool!” she exclaims._

_“Cosima, would you like some lemonade?” Allison calls to her from the porch._

_“Sure,” she yells back._

_Oscar and Gemma come running out of the house, followed by Helena’s toddlers. Sarah and Felix are chatting with Art and Mrs. S while Helena chases after the twins._

_Cosima lays back in the grass, her arms up under her head. She closes her eyes for a moment, smiling. The warm rays of sunshine wash over her, coating her in a feeling of safety. She's so happy to have her family back._

_“Hey,” she hears in a whisper._

_She opens her eyes to see blonde curls glistening in the sunlight and she grins wide._

_Cosima lifts her arms toward Delphine, beckoning for her to come lay with her. She obliges, lying next to her, resting her head on Cosima's chest and throwing her arm over her torso. Cosima strokes her hair while they lay, the sounds of the kid’s laughter surrounding them._

_Her mind is free, for the first time in a long time._

 

\-----

 

Cosima awakens and automatically puts out her arm to feel around. The bed is empty and she shivers, seeing that the window has been left open. The cold air swirls inside and she curls into a ball to try to get warm. 

 

_Cold._

 

She feels for her glasses and slips them on, looking at the clock. It’s only 7 in the morning. She’s so cold and she feels a sense of longing for something, so she gets up. 

 

“Delphine?” she calls out as she walks into the kitchen.

 

Delphine is standing at the stove, her back to her.

 

“Delphine, why are you up so early?” Cosima asks.

 

Delphine doesn’t answer. She’s making eggs on the stove.

 

“Delphine?”

 

Cosima walks closer, reaching out for her, touching her shoulder.

 

Delphine jumps and turns. “Oh my god, Cosima! You scared me. Sorry, I had my headphones in. I didn’t hear you.”

 

Cosima sighs.

 

“Eggs?” Delphine asks.

 

“No!” Cosima shouts, unnecessarily loudly.

 

“Whoa, ok, no one’s forcing you,” Delphine giggles.

 

“Sorry,” Cosima replies, rubbing her arms in an attempt to get warm.

 

“You’re shivering,” Delphine tells her. “And you look so sleepy. Why don’t you go back to bed.”

 

“I’m freezing,” Cosima whines, before yawning.

 

Delphine tilts her head and smirks, before turning off the stove and putting her eggs on the plate next to the frying pan. “Ok, come on,” Delphine instructs, taking Cosima’s hand and leading her back to bed.

 

“What are you doing?” Cosima asks.

 

“I’m going to keep you warm.”

 

Cosima grins and jumps into bed. 

 

Delphine follows, getting under the covers facing Cosima and pulling her in tightly to her chest. Cosima brings her knees up and nuzzles into the blonde. Delphine lifts Cosima’s chin and brings her lips to hers, kissing sweetly.

 

Cosima feels that warmth that she loves and she smiles, grasping at Delphine’s side, sighing into her embrace. 

 

_Warm._

 

It’s been two months since she found Delphine, two months of bliss, knowing that her life could finally begin. She looks up into warm hazel eyes and smiles.

 

Delphine leans in, brushing her lips against Cosima’s neck, kissing lightly. “Mon amour,” she coos.

 

Cosima knows this is how it’s supposed to be. She never gave up. She would never give up.

 

She pulls Delphine tighter to her body, closing her eyes as the warmth surrounds her and she feels the familiar pull of sleep. “I love you, Delphine,” she mumbles.

 

“Cosima…” Delphine whispers, “Je t’aime.”

 

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading. I'll be posting more stories soon, and I'm always writing, so if you'd like to read more of my stuff, be sure to [subscribe](http://archiveofourown.org/users/cophinelovin/pseuds/cophinelovin) or follow me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/cophinelovin).


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